We’ve all been there. We meet this great guy who seems to have all his stuff together and everything figured out except for one small thing: he’s emotionally unavailable.
You offer yourself up in various forms and functions to these guys but no matter how hard you try they are unaffected. In today’s dating landscape we are going to encounter more and more of these guys. And it’s not because emotionally unavailable men are being produced at quantum speeds, it’s because society is telling our male counterparts that A. they don’t have to be in a committed relationship to get what they want and B. when they meet the “right” person they will just magically change.
For a small percentage of men this will be true. They will meet a person that makes them want to better themselves and step up. But for the majority of men this is a fantasy as unrealistic as glass slippers and coma-curing kisses.
Our society has become so immersed in the fairytale of effortless love that they have forgotten the work required to make a relationship successful. Forty and fifty year relationships don’t just happen, they are built with effort and dedication by both parties and unfortunately ours is a generation taught that when it doesn’t work—replace it.
So, when do you know it’s time to say goodbye to your emotionally unavailable man?
1. He doesn’t like titles
Your relationship is undefined and maybe for a while you were both into that. You were having fun and it was easy but as time went on you started to develop feelings and maybe even attempted to talk about them and his response was: I don’t like titles. Ladies, the flag doesn’t get any more red than this. If he has no trouble having you in his bed but struggles to find a place for you in his life it’s time to move on. You are not a blanket for someone to bury themselves under whenever they get a little cold.
2. He’s not at that stage in his life
He has bigger priorities in his life than you. In most cases you serve as a distraction to these bigger issues and he likes that. Some guys are afraid of the (imaginary) girlfriend switch, mistakenly thinking that once they’ve given you that title you will become needy, nagging, and no longer the distraction they wanted—instead you will become an added headache to an already ceiling-high stacked plate of responsibilities. But no one goes out into the world and says, “I think I’ll fall in love today.” If love were a choice I’m sure we’d all have very different relationship histories, amirite?
3. He knows how you feel
When you finally do cave and tell him how you’re feeling and what you want and he’s still ambiguous about whether or not he wants a relationship. You’ve literally told him that you want more from the situation and he’s literally telling you that he doesn’t. It doesn’t get any more black and white than that and you can’t live in relationship purgatory.
4. The past repeats itself
You’ve probably done the relationship dance with this guy before. Each time you enter the situation you have hopeful eyes and a malignant optimism that you must have picked up from work or school. However, regardless of whether you’ve dated this guy before or if this is your first tryst you have undoubtedly fallen into a vicious cycle of talking and thinking you’ve broken some ground only to find the situation just as confusing as its always been. Believe actions, ladies, not words.
5. He makes you anxious
This is going to be the best indicator of whether or not it’s time to stop wasting your precious hopes on someone who will never live up to them. If you find yourself constantly wondering whether or not he actually cares about you…then unfortunately, you already have your answer. When a guy truly cares for you, you’ll know and when he doesn’t, you’ll wonder.
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