Dating and relationships have definitely changed since smartphones and social media came into play for various reasons. Handwritten notes turned into choppy text messages. Late night phone calls turned into texting back and forth, taking away the sound of a person’s tone and voice. Believe it or not, some individuals think it’s acceptable to break up with someone over text to avoid having the actual conversation. These are the same people who will try to argue back and forth in 140 characters in all capital letters as if anything will ever be resolved that way. We are a generation of instant gratification and ironically, social media has made us completely antisocial.
More individuals are afraid of commitment than ever. Why commit when you can hook up, hang out, chat up various people on phone apps and private message people on Facebook, have your cake and eat it too? This is the outlook, sadly. If things get too serious, she doesn’t want to sleep with you, or if he’s too needy don’t fret…you can jump immediately to your next potential encounter with the opposite sex without actually meeting someone in a real life, serendipitous scenario thanks to applications like Tinder which are readily available in your phone. Tinder lets you swipe left or right based on someone’s appearance as depicted in their mirror selfies and cheesy taglines, because you know, that is a promising way to meet someone of substance. There is no intimacy in any of this.
As all women do, my friends and I have shared our dating nightmares over copious glasses of wine with laughter and horror involved, leading me to create this list of things that most of us wish guys would do more often, whether in the dating phase or while in a relationship:
1. Kiss her on the forehead
There is nothing sweeter than a man kissing a woman on the forehead. We love it, guys. It’s one of those things that warms our hearts and makes whatever is on our mind disappear for that moment. Trust me on this.
2. Open doors for her
Yes, women are allowed to vote and work careers that men hold now, and capable of splitting bills, but that does not mean that we don’t appreciate being treated like a lady. Can I open my own door? Of course, but it’s a lovely gesture. The lost art of opening the car door always delightfully surprises us when it’s done and it’s the first thing we’ll share when our girlfriends ask how our date went. It speaks volumes about a man that does this.
3. Ask her on a proper date
We aren’t all high maintenance by any means, and my favorite thing to do in a relationship involves staying in, food, drinks and yoga pants, but if you want to get me to that point, you better man up, be assertive, and ask me on a proper date. It doesn’t have to be fancy, just thoughtful. Don’t ask her to “hang out.” She is not your bro, and that reveals that you don’t know what you want, or you are a boy instead of a man, which is not attractive.
4. Call when you say you will
We know that you have your phone on your person all day like everyone else. The days of waiting three days to make us sweat are over and if you do this, we will assume you either died or that you are just not that into us. Either way, you are gone. Calling us when you say you’re going to is the very first block you lay down as foundation to building our trust. If you can’t even lay that one measly block down, then we are never building anything but a wall. Busy is not an excuse. It may seem like it, but it really just means you didn’t care enough to call. We all make time for what we deem important. Unless you are a brain surgeon working 12 hour shifts, we know that’s a load of crap.
Don’t make us wonder about anything related to your feelings about us. If we can’t be sure of where we stand with you, then you are not worth our time and it would be less difficult to part ways if you just let us know instead of making us ask.
6. Call her doll, darling, & other vintage terms of endearment
If you call us “bae” in a way that is not clearly a joking manner, we will not be impressed. Congratulations, you are a modern Romeo.
7. Compliment her
Guys, we cover ourselves in shaving cream, curl our hair, apply makeup, and wear uncomfortable shoes to look nice for you. Use one of your breaths to tell us we look beautiful today.
8. Romantic gestures
One time, I walked to my car and there was a handwritten note tucked in my windshield wiper with a single red rose and a Hot Wheel ambulance on top. The note read, “I need an ambulance because the sight of you stopped my heart.” It made me laugh because we were ridiculous like that and it was a sweet way of letting me know that I was on his mind and he wanted to make my day better. These little random gestures are more important than extravagant grand gestures that guys feel obligated to do on Valentine’s Day.
Relationships and love are not complicated; people make them complicated.