In most every endeavor throughout history, be it, business, military, government, unions, marriage, there has been a leader, a General. Everyone knows that the leader isn’t always the smartest nor the strongest nor the one in actual control. Ask any wife who really runs the family, and see what she says.
Certainly our Presidents have always been figurehead leaders, and while they get the final say, they are guided by a trusted group of advisers. The Queen of England, is another figure head, but not really in control of day to day administration of the country. Even tyrannical leaders throughout history have had advisers who may have agreed with them to avoid losing their heads.
Up until the liberation of women, most households had a leader and that was the man, albeit, as already noted, he was often greatly influenced by his wife. With the women’s rights movement, we saw an unprecedented increase in the number of men who found that they now had to share doing the laundry and other such chores. Of course the world has radically changed. Suddenly, many women were out there working just as hard as, and often harder than their husbands. The liberation of women accounted for a sea change in the traditional family dynamic and men were confounded with their women wanting equality. All of these changes were likely for the better, but one still must ask, does an entity need a leader, either man or woman, a final arbiter to maintain stability and guidance to forge ahead for the benefit of the common good?
With the modern egalitarianism promoted in America, we have to ask ourselves, are many families rudderless and floundering in a sea of compromise and indecision? Are personalities frustrated by the inability to get things done properly because their mate is opinionated albeit clueless on important matters? You really need to answer these kind of questions before you make any commitments.
Another question often comes to play with modern couples. Who’s going to do the chores? Does the bread winner have any claim for exemption from household duties? Is one to work all day while their mate goes on extended shopping duty with the expectation that the one in the workforce should come home and do the wash? Does the rearing of children offer special exemption from household chores? Should couples measure who does what, and then come up with a list of responsibilities? These questions are posed for deep thought and debate. They are posed to stimulate a dialogue that if you are not careful about what you say, may ruin your relationship. There is no simple answer. There are many variables and in each situation there is probably a more appropriate answer once all things are weighted.
The lead question still remains – does a relationship need a leader – a General? The simple answer is yes. How else did all of the many systems throughout history successfully evolve with leaders? There is no known government, business organization, house of religion, army or any other organization that doesn’t have either an elected, hired, appointed of even self-appointed leader. So how have we, as modern families decided that no one has final say in important decisions all in the name of equality?
There are those families that maintain the traditional structure where the man makes the final decisions on business matters while he would often delegate domestic matters to his wife. Does this work anymore? It all depends on the temperament and skills of the two individuals. Today, there are many women who are the breadwinners and guys who are stay at home dads. Its rather foolish to let one without the ability to lead take the reins. Likewise, it is rather despotic for one to rule every decision without consultation, even if they have the skills.
So what does this have to do with dating? When its time to choose a mate you have to learn their wants needs and desires (while this can apply to sex, that’s not what we are talking about in this situation). Is your perspective mate knowledgeable in important matters? Is he/she controlling and the take charge type? Or is this mate not too worldly, laid back and willing to let you do it all. Just as sexual compatibility is, oh so necessary, leadership qualities and compatibilities are just as important.
You must do a self-assessment as well. What are you looking for? Are you a savvy investor who wants to manage your joint assets or are you willing to let that chore go? Do you like to be controlled? Do you want a take charge mate who is confident, self-assured and successful? Are you that person? The conflict that will surly arise is when two strong, stubborn leaders try to bond. Suddenly they find a challenge to their authority and if there is no bending, if there is no compromise, there is a rocky road ahead.
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