Recent headlines concerning the reason why comedian, actor, and director Chris Rock is filing for divorce is stirring much debate. If you give him the “benefit of the doubt” that there is no mistress in hiding or some other person he has his sights on.
Do you find his reason for filing for divorce to be refreshingly honest?
Quite a few people feel that being “tired” or “unhappy” is not a just cause to end a 19 year marriage! Is it possible they may not be considering a few things? The words tired or unhappy are code words for “I’m not in love.” Which begs the following questions.
Would you knowingly marry anyone who didn’t love you?
Would you want someone to stay with you who didn’t love you?
“Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.” – Oscar Wilde
Whenever someone is in a relationship or married to a person who does not love them. Generally speaking it’s only a matter of time before he or she mistreats them in some way. (Cheating, verbal/physical abuse or various acts of inconsideration)
If this was a one year marriage or a Kim Kardashian & Kris Humphries thing where someone wanted out after only 72 days it would be understandable to assert Mr. Rock’s decision as possibly being immature. However he is a 49 year old man who will be 50 in February and this couple has been married for almost 20 years! Clearly they’ve had some ups and downs in the past and stayed together.
For a man to get to a point where he is the one who is filing for divorce and is ready to give up millions of dollars in property, alimony, and child support…odds are he didn’t make this decision lightly!
Naturally there is a course of folks who believe Chris Rock may be going through a “midlife crisis”. Getting divorced at any other time in one’s life does not carry the aforementioned label. If he were age 30 or 70 no one would attribute his decision to move on as being in a crisis.
There is this common misnomer that a therapist can cause a person to fall in love again with their spouse. The sad reality for most couples is they don’t decide to see a therapist until one or both people have already mentally or emotionally checked out of the marriage. Therapy works best for couples who are still in love and want to stay together! The rest of the couples simply check off the “tried therapy” box on their way to divorce court. It appeases their friends and family.
What About the Children
Contrary to what many “after school specials” portray divorce is not the end of the world for most kids. Our divorce rates in the U.S. is said to hover around the 50% mark and it’s probably higher among celebrity marriages. Children are far more resilient than we give them credit for being. If a couple continues to shower their children with love and attention they should be fine. As Dr. Phil is fond of saying: “Children would rather be from a broken home than live in one.”
No Drama Required
Over the years couples are either growing together or growing apart. Nevertheless many folks find it unacceptable to end a marriage simply because you’re not in love. Do couples have to be at war, cheating on one another, or abusing each other in order to get society’s “green light” to end their marriage? Apparently so! One of many left the following comment on another site. “Being tired of a lifetime commitment or being (unhappily married) are not reasons for divorce”- Billy S.
Once again being tired and unhappy is code for; “I don’t love you anymore!”
Settling to the Nth Power!
Would you really encourage a girlfriend, sister, or co-worker to stay with a man who didn’t love her? If a man is willing to give you millions of dollars to get out of his life that’s a major clue about his feelings concerning you and the marriage. Don’t ignore “red flags”. Has it gotten so bad out there that women would encourage each other to stay with men whom they know don’t love them?
In my opinion that would be the ultimate definition of “settling”! This also holds true for Chris Rock as well. Anyone who stays married to someone they do not love is shortchanging them self and their mate!
Self-empowerment & Self-esteem
Hopefully Malaak Compton- Rock has enough self-esteem to realize she deserves to be with a man who does love her! At the very least a marriage should contain (two people) who want to be married! Thankfully there are more than 7 billion people on the planet. Every ending is a new beginning!
What say you?
Had Chris Rock opted to stay married and cheat the way (most unhappily married men do) everyone would be saying; “He should have left her if he was so unhappy!” Do you think being “unhappy” or not in love is enough of a reason to move on from a marriage?