There are two articles that this zoomdune.com Columnist read in the last few weeks that were interesting, to say the least.
Article #1: 50 reasons why a woman really DOES need a man! The list by Jane Gordon, who is on her own for the first time in 30 years, is irreverent, poignant and very funny…
Article #2: 50 reasons why a woman DOESN’T need a man: Claudia Connell’s response to Jane Gordon’s reasons for needing a man
If you read both articles, you would assume that both women have the sexual libido of a Catholic Church Nun … or maybe both suffer to a degree from asexuality. Neither woman mentions anything about wanting a man’s sexual companionship. I actually had an article published earlier this year (April 19, 2014) where I discussed the concept of women who seek out male companions to become their ‘Platonic Boyfriend’ or ‘Platonic Husband.’ You can refer to this article as “The ‘Platonic Husband’ / ‘Platonic Boyfriend’ Concept, Part 2.”
In the last few weeks, I became a registered member of an online matchmaking site entitled BlackPeopleMeet. I wanted to find out just what the women who were registered members were exactly and specifically looking for. Potential husbands? Friends-with-Benefits Relationships? Casual sex partners? Short-term romantic flings? Other?
So I proceeded to engage in inbox message exchanges, telephone conversations, and/or Email message exchanges with a number of women on the BPM site (I sent an informal questionnaire to approximately 200 women, and I received feedback from 147 of those women).
What was most interesting about the feedback I received is that 59 of the 147 women who responded to my questions expressed that they were in no way, shape or form searching for any type of ‘sex companion.’ Not even long-term, monogamous sex (as opposed to short-term non-monogamous sex)? Nope.
If this small survey pool is able to serve as a microcosm of all women in society, that means that roughly forty percent of all single women in society want a male companion for every reason BUT sexual enjoyment and satisfaction.
A few examples . . .
[Note: First names and/or BPM user names have been changed to protect their anonymity]
BPM user “MsTiredOfGame45” said,
“I hate to come across as conceited, but I can get sex anytime I want it. I have a black book full of men’s phone numbers of men who can pleasure me and satisfy me sexually. But all of those men are players and womanizers. They are not looking to settle down. I am looking for a man who can make me laugh, keep me company, and help me raise my sons. I would actually prefer he have a very low sex drive, because he would only get sex from me occasionally.”
BPM user “YourLuckyLady2013” said,
“I am about to cancel my membership on this site because 99% of the men on BPM are just looking for sex, sex, and more sex. My days of wanting sex on a daily and weekly basis are way behind me. Now, I just want male companionship. I just want a man that wants to be around me every day without expecting sex in return. Horny men are so annoying to me.”
BPM user “PrettyLegs1969” said,
“Am I looking for a long-term sexual companion? To be honest, not really. Most of the men I have been with do not satisfy me. I have a dresser drawer full of vibrators, dildos, bullets, eggs, and other assorted sex toys to help me get off when I need to get off. I have not had intercourse with a man in over four years now, and I really don’t miss it. I am more so on this site to meet a man to just keep me company. To give me hugs when I need them, and help take some of the financial load off of me, being a single mother. If all I wanted was sex, I could go to my local bar and bring a guy back home. Getting sex is no challenge for a woman who keeps herself slim and in good shape.”
BPM user “1GreatCatch4You” said,
“Why would you even ask me what type of sexual companion am I looking for? This just shows that men and women are worlds apart in their way of thinking. I am not on this site looking for a Booty Call!! I am looking for a long-term partner, and hopefully a husband!! And I would hope that my future husband is looking for a woman who is a good cook, a great conversationalist, and just fun to be around. If having sex every day is one of his top priorities, then he can surely look past me and move on to the next woman. A companion and a sex partner are two different things! I want and need a companion, not a sex partner!”
So … wait a minute. Is using the terms ‘male companion’ and ‘sex partner’ in the same sentence now considered an oxymoron?
I believe that these four women, along with many of the other women who responded to my ‘informal survey’ should be on a site entitled, “The Sex Free Marriage Zone” or “PlatonicFriends4Marriage.com” instead of being registered on an online matchmaking site that promotes romantic connections between men and women.
Here is what was even more interesting. BlackPeopleMeet.com offers seven categories for you to choose from to let members of the opposite sex know what you are in the market for: 1) “Marriage” 2) “Serious Relationship” 3) “Casual Relationship” 4) “Travel Partner” 5) “Friendship” 6) “Pen Pal” 7) “Any / All”
Out of the 59 women who expressed that they are essentially looking for a ‘Platonic Boyfriend’ or ‘Platonic Husband,’ only eighteen of them had “Friendship” listed in their profiles. At least 7 of the 59 women had “Casual Relationship” listed along with “Serious Relationship” and/or “Marriage.”
Have so many women become this delusional in today’s society where they actually think that any percentage of single heterosexual men between the ages of 21 and 59+ would really pay money to register as a member of an online matchmaking site to find a ‘platonic female friend’ to become their long-term girlfriend or future wife? I have met men in their early to mid-sixties who still want sex from women on a weekly basis, let alone men who are in their thirties, forties or fifties.
I do not really have a harsh criticism of women who are looking for a purely platonic companion. If that is what a woman’s primary desire is … more power to her. My issue is that women should know, or at least assume, that just about all men who pay for a membership on an online matchmaking service website are going to be looking for regular or semi-regular sex. That should be a given. Furthermore, these women should state their desire for primarily platonic male companionship upfront and conspicuously. The desire for a ‘Platonic Husband’ should not be some sort of “hidden agenda” or “underlying motive.”
This is why men should never, ever give women the misleading impression that they are ‘content’ with enjoying nothing more than a series of purely platonic interactions with women. Because that type of disingenuous behavior on behalf of men leads to women becoming unrealistic, if not flat-out delusional.
Final warning to men: As mentioned in my previous article on this subject, watch out for women’s “bait-and-switch” techniques (e.g., a woman behaving like she is really into having sex with you BEFORE you propose to her … but once you two get married, the sexual activity slows down significantly, or worse, just comes to a complete halt).
Happy New Year!
Alan Roger Currie is the author of a number of books, including Mode One: Let the Women Know What You’re REALLY Thinking and Oooooh . . . Say it Again: Mastering the Fine Art of Verbal Seduction and Aural Sex. Currie’s latest eBook, The Possibility of Sex: How Naive and Lustful Men are Manipulated by Women Regularly is also available exclusively on Amazon.com in their Kindle format and is also available on Audible.com as an audiobook. You can also download a copy of Currie’s eBook on your iPhone, Android Smartphone, or other Smartphone. Starting with Monday, August 4, 2014, you might be eligible to download a FREE copy of the audiobook version of ‘Mode One’ on Audible.com. CLICK HERE for more details.
Upfront & Straightforward with Alan Roger Currie, the most-listened to talk radio podcast program in the category of “Romance” and “Self-Help for Relationships” on the BlogTalkRadio Internet Radio Network, can be heard LIVE every Thursday evening at 10:00pm EST / 7:00pm PST. Visit http://www.blogtalkradio.com/modeone and http://modeone.net for more details
Currie offers email, telephone, and Skype consultations to both men and women; Visit http://modeone.net/products to purchase a consultation.