In 12 hours, we’ll begin ushering in the new year. If you’re lucky, you’ll be starting the new year as someone’s fiancee/e or even better, as someone’s spouse. But if cupid’s arrow missed you, a new year symbolizes a clean slate. We all make lofty goals for the new year that can range from losing weight to relocating for a dream job. Yet, love is often an area of our lives that we lack control. Because we can only control our actions and feelings, we sometimes find ourselves indirectly becoming a part of rollercoaster ride that we didn’t anticipate. That doesn’t have to be though.
Finding love happens within a series of choices. I think we get so focused on the beginning and the end result that we completely neglect the importance of the middle. After all, it is what you do in the middle that determines the maintenance of a relationship. Relationships don’t have to be difficult and chaotic if you go into them with a clear head and a purposeful agenda. So if love is your goal for the new year, these are some resolutions that will help you go about it the right way.
Make time to actually date: Everybody loves to talk about how busy they are. It’s almost as if we have become obsessed with being busy with busy business. If you want a successful relationship, you have to put your significant other into your schedule. However, if you’re on the market and just feeling new people out, set aside time that allows you to go out and enjoy the process of getting to know someone. It might be helpful if you commit yourself to X amount of dates per month where you’re forced to leave work and any other responsibilities at home.
Establish your own security: Whether that’s with your career or financial status, it’s important to be your own person before you bring someone new into your space. So many relationships don’t work out because one or both people aren’t secure within themselves. A lot of people would like to think they have it altogether, but in reality, they may still have some work to do internally. It’s better for you (and your future partner) in the long run to be comfortable and confident about where you are in your life. Additionally, when you’re secure in yourself, you’re going to attract the right person anyway.
Stop being afraid to connect: One of the hardest things about dating is that everyone has a wall up. We all come with baggage which makes us leery of the unknown. Love is all about two people being vulnerable at the same time. You give a lot, you receive it back with interest. Vulnerability isn’t easy and in some instances, you may have to work to crack someone’s tough shell. Some people pride themselves on being able to cut someone off. They’ve been hurt so often or so badly that any inclination towards genuine connection is rebuffed. Human beings need emotional and physical connection. Take a risk and open yourself up to being vulnerable if someone shows himself/herself to be worthy of that.
Be okay with being single: This isn’t so much a resolution as it is a mindset. Throughout the holiday season, it seems as if everybody and their cousin has gotten engaged. There comes a time in every single person’s life when they feel slight pressure to be somebody’s permanent “plus 1”. But don’t put your life on a timeline. It’s harmful to compare your life to those around you and feel like you have to play catch up. Love isn’t an accomplishment and a successful relationship isn’t a trophy to be admired. There are going to be “off years” where the focus is on you becoming the best prospect you can be. So embrace temporary singledom. When the right person comes along, things will progress smoothly and you’ll be ready for everything a healthy relationship entails.
Making resolutions for your romantic life puts the ball solely in your hand. The first few months of a new year is all about shifting your outlook from the old into the new. Now’s the time to make a conscious effort to improve or change what clearly hasn’t work for you in the past. After the buzz from all of the New Years Eve festivities have worn off, take some time to yourself to really think about what you want romantically in the new year. Let the first day of 2015 lay the groundwork for you to be open for positive new experiences; because there are few feelings better than new love