Starting a new relationship comes with a sense of excitement and fear. While getting close to someone you discover their imperfections along with their personality traits. As the relationship progresses and feelings become stronger, you find yourself continuously getting more attached to that person as the days pass. While time strengthens a relationship, it can also give you more to lose.
People who have been hurt in the past tend to be a bit more pessimistic towards their present and future relationships. They try to prepare themselves for the “inevitable end” between them and their partner. What those people may not realize is that by not opening up completely to their significant other, it’s possible that they are pushing the relationship towards its death rather than keeping it alive.
Nothing in this world is guaranteed; relationships being one of the major ones. If you are on the other side of the relationship wondering why your significant other is feeling insecure, try putting yourself in their shoes. The following is a list of things that may be running through their mind.
1. “Things are going too perfect, what if they tell me out of the blue that they want to break up? This has happened in the past when I least expected it so atleast this time I can try to be prepared.”
2. “I have been hurt so many times already that I want to take precautions this time. Unless we’ve been together for a year or 2, I will not open up completely.”
3. “I think he is perfect for me now, but that has happened before. What if I don’t find out that he isn’t ‘the one’ for months or even years?”
4. “I want to do everything in my power to keep our relationship alive, but I don’t want to come on too strong. Therefore, I will just try to push the worrying to the back of my head while trying to keep my heart half closed while trying to open it up to them.”
5. “I should have a plan B for if we break up. Will I stay in the same area or move? Will I get a different job and different friends? If we have joint possessions, what will happen with those?”
6. “They flirt around which doesn’t bother me but they seem too close to this one person of the opposite sex. In the past when this has happened, my significant other ended up leaving me for them after claiming he/she was like family to them.”
These are a few out of many things that may or may not be running through their minds at one point or another. Do they randomly act all loving and cuddly? This could be because they want to feel secure. They want to feel reassured that you aren’t going anywhere and will always be there for comfort when needed.
Some things that run through their head may be repetitious but most of the time this stems from being hurt in the past. While it is true you can not drag the past in to new relationships, people with insecurities most of the time can’t help it. They are trying to prevent their heart from getting broken for the umpteenth time.
So what can you do to help them with their insecurities? There are a number of things but mainly just being there for them will do the trick. You don’t necessarily need to tell them every minute of every day that they are the only one for you and all that mushy stuff.
Just remembering them, sending random texts throughout the day reminding them that you are thinking of them will do the trick. Simple gestures go a long way such as picking up their favorite food or spending one on one time with them by going for a walk.
If you have progressed in the relationship and have been together for a little while now, don’t forget to show them how you feel. As said previously you don’t need to tell them 24/7 how you feel but even once a day helps out a lot. To do this you could simply tell them that you love them or even by calling them by a pet name. The simple gestures in a relationship count for something big.
Once you have been with someone for a while it becomes easy to forget that everyone needs reassurance every once in a while. Maybe you haven’t cuddled in a week or haven’t even said I love you in a while, don’t forget to fill the affection in a relationship if you want it to stay alive.
Now for the people who are feeling insecure; don’t let it run your life. While it is true that if you don’t open up in a relationship you won’t get hurt as much but what if this is your soul mate? What if you are jeopardizing the relationship just because of events that happened in the past?
Remember, they are with you. Unless they give you a reason to doubt their feelings, don’t doubt them. Don’t distance yourself from them because you may just drive them away. Communication is also a big thing in a relationship so make sure your partner knows how you feel.
If they understand and reassure you that you have nothing to worry about then don’t think of the ‘what ifs’. If you are one of those worrying types, once you have made a ‘back up plan’ for if you two don’t work out, put it in the back of your head and only pull it out if the relationship ends.
Do not let insecurities run your mind or relationship. They will literally drive you insane if you pick apart each and every detail of your relationship. This may do more harm than good in the long run.
You could have a good person in your life that has given no indication for you to be feeling insecure. Therefore you are causing yourself more stress than needed so whether you break up or not, your heart is still shattering.
Love with caution but love with everything you are unless given a reason not to. Life is too short to hold back how you feel. Put the past in the past and start new. This person is not the one who hurt you so why punish them by letting your insecurities interfere with your relationship? Leave the past in the past and build the future you dream of with the one you love.