Last night, April 26, a new episode of Seth MacFarlane’s “Family Guy,” titled “Roasted Guy,” aired on Fox. The following recap of the show may contain spoilers. The episode was directed by Joe Vaux and it was written by Andrew Goldberg. This week it was a Peter-centric “Family Guy” episode that has the family patriarch requesting a Comedy Central style roasting from his friends, but it ends badly when Peter can’t handle the personal insults hurled at him by everyone in town. Peter decides that he needs a new group of friends, but find his new friends to be just as cruel as his old friends, if not worse.
When Peter and Brian are watching TV and can’t find anything interesting, Brian quips, “God, late-night TV is all terrible.” When Peter suggests they turn to channel 875 and watch Conan, Brian grabs the remote and says, “Here, let me see what else is on.” Brian changes the channel to an infomercial for The Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts, and Peter thinks he’s watching a wedding. Brian tells him, “Peter, it’s not a wedding, it’s an infomercial for The Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts.” Peter, shocked at the news, exclaims, “Wait, you mean Comedy Central didn’t invent those?” Brian explains to Peter that Comedy Central didn’t invent roasts, funny news or comedy. Peter blurts out, “Well, they centralized it, that we know.”
Later, at The Drunken Clam, Peter asks Joe, Quagmire and Cleveland to roast him. He tells his friends, “I want to be the man of the hour. And I want all my pals to give me a good ribbing.” Peter further clarifies, saying, “And you fellas shouldn’t pull any punches. Just let me have it. Nothing is off-limits.” The episode moves along quickly and Peter gets his wish. At the roast, Joe speaks first, saying, “Ladies and gentlemen and people who have wandered in from the Chinese wedding next door, welcome to the roast of Peter Griffin, with your roast master Glenn Quagmire.” Quagmire is merciless in his roasting, telling Joe, “I’d tell you to take your seat, but I’d be about 15 years too late.”
Quagmire continues to cut deep as he begins to roast Peter, saying, “Well, what can I say about the man of the hour, Peter Griffin? Well, first off, Peter’s always been special. In high school, he didn’t play sports, but he did wear a helmet.” Peter is immediately unsure that he wants to be roasted and says, “All right, that’s kind of funny. Tough, but fair.” Quagmire continues, “You know, Peter, I love your chin, but I got to ask. What’s it like going through life with a scrotum so close to your mouth? You know what, hold on. I’ll just ask your teenage daughter.” The Griffin family is seen laughing at the joke, including Meg, voiced by Mila Kunis. Peter, no longer having fun, quips, “That’s inappropriate.”
Everyone steps up to the podium and takes their turn blasting insults at Peter, who begins to regret his decision to be roasted. When Peter finally gets to have the final word he loses it and blurts out, “Okay, yeah, I got something to say. Screw all you guys! I hope you all eat turds and die! None of you bastards are my friends no more!” Peter runs out of the room, distraught that all of his friends have made fun of him in humiliating ways. Later, Peter makes an announcement to his family at dinner and he tells everyone, “On account of my buddies all being nasty sons of bitches, I’ve decided I’m gonna find new friends.” Lois reminds Peter that the roast was his idea in the first place.
While at a coffee shop, Peter is mistaken for a barista, and a group of three women ask him to take their order. Thee women introduce themselves as Jamie, Becca and Karen and Peter joins them for a coffee. The women were debating if Jamie should hook up with this guy she met a few nights ago and Peter tells them, “Okay, I want the deets, like, yesterday.” The women are impressed with Peter and he tells them that he’s looking for a new group of friends. Peter invites the women over for dinner and comments, “Hey, isn’t it funny that you guys came over for a dinner party, and all we’re doing is standing in the kitchen, drinking wine?” Stewie, observing the situation, deadpans, “All our toothbrushes were in that one woman’s glass this morning.”
Peter introduces his new friends to Lois and when she’s asked to join the group for dinner she just says, “Oh, no, I don’t want to get in the way. Besides, I got to get this little man in the tub.” Stewie is upset by the comment and quips, “Great. Now they’re all picturing my wiener.” It turns out the women don’t care for Lois and when she leaves the room they attack her and make fun of her voice and her hair color, which they compare to Creamy French Dressing. Peter, a bit uncomfortable with the situation, remarks, “Hey, if you think that’s funny, she once had a miscarriage outside a Petco. I still have the security camera footage somewhere.”
Brian overhears the conversation and takes Peter aside to reprimand him, telling him, “You’re saying horrible things about Lois. You should be defending her, not talking trash and gossiping behind her back like some kind of Midwestern teenager.” Peter eventually confesses to Lois that he’s trash talked her with his new girlfriends. Lois isn’t shocked and tells him, “Peter, of course your new friends have been talking crap about me. That’s what women do.” Lois goes on to assure Peter that they are trash talking him when he’s not around. She tells Peter, “I guarantee you that as soon as you leave the room, they tear you to shreds.”
Peter and the girls go get their nails done and he checks to see if Lois is right, so he tells the women, “I’m maybe gonna go use the restroom and let you guys talk about whatever you’re gonna talk about.” Peter overhears them say, “Huh, I guess Peter made it to the bathroom, ’cause I can’t feel him walking anymore.” They make fun of his glasses and his weight and Peter is devastated. Peter comes to grips with the fact that Lois was right, saying, “They are making fun of me behind my back. They’re like a nasty wolf pack.”
Peter goes back to Lois and tells her that she was right. Lois tries to comfort Peter and says, “Oh, I’m so sorry, Peter.” His first idea is to confront them face-to-face and explain why he’s angry, but Lois tells him that won’t work because, “Being friends with women is way more complex than that. You need to be more underhanded and vicious. You and I will get revenge on those bitches lady-style.” Peter decides to go after Becca first and cut her brakes, but he instead cuts his own brakes by mistake.
Next he decides to go after Jamie, whose daughter Emily is a competitive diver. Peter explains, “The whole family’s dream is that she gets a spot on the U.S. Olympic Team.” Lois tells Peter, “Okay, so get a lead pipe and bust this girl’s kneecaps.” Peter tells her, “That’s not how we’re gonna do this.” Instead, Peter goes through the training to outperform Emily at competitive diving, eventually scoring higher than her and denying her a place on the U.S. Olympic Team. When the damage is done, Peter tells Lois, “That’s how we’re gonna do this.”
Finally, Peter and Lois seek revenge on Karen, who has been planning her daughter’s wedding for a year. Lois tells Peter, “If it doesn’t go perfectly, she’ll be crushed.” Peter tells Lois, “I bribed one of the busboys. He has a little surprise planned for her.” Suddenly the guests start screaming, “Oh, my God! Somebody stabbed the groom!” Lois tells Peter, “Well, we got those bitches good, huh, Peter?” Peter thanks Lois and tells her she was right that being friends with women is way too complicated and way too intense for him. When Peter tells her, “Now let me just pay the busboy and we can get out of here,” the busboy stabs Peter in the stomach with a knife. Peter laments, “Ah! I knew he didn’t understand the plan!”
In the final scene of the episode, Peter meets up with Joe, Quagmire and Cleveland at The Drunken Clam and tells them, “Look, I’m real sorry I got so worked up at my roast. And if you’re willing, I’d like to be friends with you guys again. Because men might punch you in the gut and call you a fat idiot, but at least they do it to your face and own it.” Joe looks confused and says, “You were mad at us?” Peter responds, “Yeah, we ain’t spoke in a week.” Quagmire tells Peter, “I thought you were out of town.” Cleveland simply states, “People come, people go. I didn’t give no mind.” Peter asks the guys, “So we’re-we’re friends again?” Quagmire reminds Peter, “We were never not friends, you idiot.” Peter smiles and tells everybody, “I love you guys. Guys are the best. Not women.”