Meeting a new partner – Widowed, divorced; single starting over can be scary!
If you’ve been out of circulation for a long time, having been with one partner for a prolonged time, getting back into circulation can be difficult as well as scary. You’ve probably been comfortably confident with your long time partner but starting new relationships can have lots of self-searching questions.
How will I respond to a new partner?
How will a new partner respond to me?
How will I know we will be mutually right for each other?
How can I meet someone who will be right for me?
How does one find a new partner?
There are lots of sources of advice out there, as much poor as good: Church, synagogue, mosque, health clubs, bars, dance studios, adult education classes, the grocery store, the internet, fix-ups by friends, relatives and co-workers, etc., etc., etc. Which are best, which should I steer clear of? Bars are probably the least safe place to find a trusting partner that you want to spend your future with. Probably the best idea is to let your own interests lead you to partner you’ll get on with well. If your religion is a top priority your church, synagogue or mosque may be the place to start your search. If you are a health fanatic, head for the health club. Adult education classes of interest to you may also interest the right partner for you. Widow and widower support groups might introduce you to the right partner. What is most important is not to be a recluse. The more you get out to places you enjoy the greater your chances are that you’ll meet a compatible mate.
Special mention should be made of the internet dating services. They are usually good at limiting matches as to age, interests, religions, intentions such as dating, long term relationships, matrimony, etc., BUT they are only as good as the honesty of the person replying to your query. Believe it or not, some married men have been known to sign on to these services as singles, and almost as unbelievable, some responders have lied about their ages. Occasionally someone might even place a photo of themselves that is twenty years old. However, these are the exception rather than the rule. To make things safer for participants, only e-mail addresses are usually required and e-mail correspondence can be used to get to know each other a little better. If it is decided to finally meet it is wise to meet at a public place for coffee, a meal or a safe location for a face-to-face chat. We utilized the internet, I after being widowed for about a year, she after 8 years being divorced. I had about half-a-dozen coffee dates and number seven I eventually married. The internet obviously worked for us. At least I can assure you I’m delighted.
After many years of a monogamous and faithful relationship it is not uncommon for someone to feel a bit unfaithful when first starting to date. A new relationship does not mean you will forget or think less of your passed partner. You can really fall in love with a new partner without losing your feelings or great memories of your past love. Your first mate was a wonderful past relationship … the next will most likely be a wonderful relationship. And if you have found that new love, don’t let the children of your first relationship stand in the way. They must be made to understand that you are not replacing their diseased parent, but are finding a new partner, friend and loved one. Make them understand your need not to be alone for the rest of you life.
Read “When Your Spouse Dies” www.boomerbookseries.com