There have been many books and magazine articles written offering tips and advice for keeping the passion alive in long-term relationships and marriages. However oftentimes learning what not to do or what pitfalls to avoid can be the most beneficial.
Can you give me some tips that would make for a long-lasting sexual love relationship? – Marie B.
Generally speaking the best sexual relationships often occur when a couple does not live together. It’s almost like having vacation sex whenever someone packs a bag for overnight or for the weekend to visit the other. One person is the host and the other is a guest. The host usually makes plans and the couple tries to (make the most of their time) together before separating.
Pitfalls of Flying Solo
There is only one way to have a long-lasting sexual relationship and that is for both people to have it as a priority for the relationship or marriage. No individual can keep the passion alive. However it is not unusual for one person to be doing all the research or seeking a remedy for a couple’s lack luster love life. Eventually over time they will come to resent being the only one making the effort to keep the romance alive and they will likely give up. Ideally your mate would have a similar libido as your own. The best solution is for the couple to never let romance and passion die.
It’s easier to maintain a fire than it is to reignite a spark!
Pitfalls of the Infatuation Phase
Unfortunately everyone is initially thrown off by the “infatuation phase” of new relationships. In the beginning most couples are “red hot lovers”. It’s not until after they’ve been together for a while or have become “emotionally invested” that one reveals their “authentic libido”. In fact the person with the lower libido is likely to belittle the mate with the higher libido. From their point of view it’s normal to not want to have sex as much and in fact they may believe less sex leads to a deeper loving connection. If one person doesn’t want or care about sex he/she may find it difficult to put in the effort to appease their mate. This may cause the person with the higher libido to feel as though they are a victim of bait and switch. Naturally if one person wants sex four times a week and the other is happy with once a week over the course of a year you’d be talking about 208 times VS 52 times a year! That’s going to cause some problems
Pitfalls of Power Struggles
Some people use sex on a reward and punishment basis. It’s primarily used to encourage or discourage the behavior of their mate. In other instances some people make their mates feel like they’re “doing them a favor”. Under those circumstances “quality” becomes more of an issue than frequency. Most people want to feel like their mate (desires) them rather than have them lay on their back and say, “Knock yourself out!” Sex without passion is almost as bad as having no sex.
Pitfalls of Getting Older
Even when a couple has made sex a priority it’s possible something like menopause or erectile dysfunction could kill sexual desire. For a lot of these people the thought of using lube, the blue pill, or the pink pill does not sound appealing primarily because they don’t mentally desire to have sex if their bodies aren’t aroused. Pills and lubes are not aphrodisiacs! They’re used by those who have already mentally decided they want to have sex! The pills and lube allow their bodies to function in accordance with their thoughts.
Another common issue with getting older is a change in appearance. Changes in a mate’s physical appearance can affect their desire to have sex with him or her. Contrary to popular belief love is not blind. If you’ve always been attracted to fit or thin people that does not go away. You can’t simply make yourself be aroused by the opposite. People can learn to “tolerate change” but that doesn’t change their preferences. Their enthusiasm tends to taper off over time.
Pitfalls of Monotony
Monogamy becomes boring when couples become lazy.
If a couple always does it the same way using the same “go to moves” at the same time of day/night in the same room and so on eventually that may get old for one or both of them. For more details concerning spicing things up you may want to read my article What Makes A Woman Good In Bed. However to truly have a long lasting passionate sexual relationship both people have to want to make it a priority.