“She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” Proverbs 31:26
Why is it that so many times it takes heartache, pain, confusion and disappointment for us to learn? And sometimes we’re still none the wiser! The Lord said that in this life we will have trouble. Of course, we’ll spend all of our lives trying to get it right, but a deep relationship with Christ as our priority will give us wisdom through the tests and allow us to develop perseverance in those times of trouble.
And we all know dating can sometimes be troublesome!
When asked what they would have done differently in their single lives (knowing what they know now as married Christians), this is what five women shared:
1. Balance your friendships with your romantic relationship: “I would have put more effort into maintaining my friendships while I was getting to know my husband. It’s important to remember that we all have seasons and that while we’re growing and changing, so are our friends. We may end up in different stages at different times, and that’s okay. New love is so enthralling and can become time consuming because you’re learning more and more about this awesome man and building a solid foundation. However, I didn’t realize that every turned down invite to hang out with my girls eventually led to not being thought about for an invitation. Years went by before I realized that the distance I feel from my best and oldest friends could have been prevented (at least a little) by balancing my time.”
2. A man’s love doesn’t compare to God’s love: “I would have first and foremost lived my life for the Lord instead of my own interests. That is the major thing I would have changed. It would have shaped me to be a confident, smart, loving, and strong woman. I was not that during my single days. I would have known a love like no other and would not have tried to seek it in someone. I would not have done a lot of things in my single life if I would have known the love that God has for me. That IS enough for me. If I would have known that during my single days, I would not have been so lonely, depressed, scared, etc. I would have had LOVE and that is more than enough.”
3. Sex will never fulfill you: “No one in my family ever told me how important it was to save myself for marriage. I was always told ‘you better not be doing nothing,’ but no one told me why.
I often look back at how I was growing up without a father (and my mother at times) and it was hard. I had a void that I was living with, which was LOVE, guidance, structure, and assurance.
I was mentally and verbally abused. I was always told that I was nothing, I was ugly and I would never be anything. All of this sent me into a deep depression.
Every guy that came my way and mentioned how cute I was, how he would love me and how he could take care of me gave me a glimpse of what I was missing. I would lay with them hoping that they would fulfill that void I had. Neither of them did. When I totally surrendered my life to God is when the void I had was filled and I felt loved and beautiful.”
4. Let your choices be based on Christ, not yourself or others: ”Sex is not only a soul tie, but having sex before marriage can make it harder to enjoy it with the one you really love and marry. I was clean up until I got into college. I don’t know why I fell for it, but we just got too close and I stayed in the heat too long. Now, I want to give my all to my husband but I still get tense. My prayer is not only to be able to be there fully for my husband, but to help my child(ren) to understand how important it is to wait. Not because you will disappoint your parents and not even to scare you about what God can do, but to instill the Love of Christ so much that you want to be pleasing to Him.”
5. Know the heart of a person: “I made the mistake of never really developing solid friendships with men I dated. More importantly, pure, godly relationships with men. I would get emotionally involved without really knowing the true character of the person. When there were instant romantic expectations, things got muddy too fast. Meaning, we would push things to move so quickly when we didn’t really know each other yet. I was so focused on the idea of falling in love and marriage. But that’s because I didn’t truly know the Lord. I was trying to create, orchestrate and manipulate a future with someone who God knew I had no business with. I didn’t have a relationship with Jesus, let alone did I acknowlegde Him and His timing/plans for my life, including dating and relationships. Because of me trying to stear my own ways, I was left with a big mess every single time. As a single person, seeking Christ sooner, not a boyfriend/ husband is what I would have done differently.”
“Blessed is the one who finds wisdom…” Proverbs 3:13
Dating can be fun! It’s even more fun when we know ourselves in order to know our boyfriend or future spouse. Know yourself by knowing who created you. God will allow him to fall right into your path when it’s time to receive him. That’s exciting! #patience
As a believer, the purpose of dating is marriage. However, that goal can become overly focused on which can strain the journey that God uses to mold and transform us on the way to marriage. Be encouraged in knowing that when our focus and priority is Jesus, there’s no reason to be worried about our future. #HopeAndJoy
If you’re a hopeless romantic, that means you’re “in love with love.” But you can either be in love with the ‘idea’ of being in love and married or be in love with the God who IS love. God equals love and love equals God. How wonderful that God’s love for us is bigger than anything! #GodsBigLove