I was in Walmart the other day and a movie in the $5 bin caught my eye. It said Ironclad, which is a movie that I actually enjoy a lot. But wait, this is a different one. Battle for Blood? A sequel? How odd, I had not even heard that they were making a sequel. Hmm… All different cast. My first thought was that it must not be very good if they changed the entire cast, I had not heard of it, and now it is in the $5 bin at Walmart.
How I was right…
I went home and found it on Netflix (thank goodness I didn’t waste my $5 on it). On the first attempt, I failed to make it very far int eh movie before I fell asleep. Granted, it was after 10 pm….
I then forced myself to finish the entire movie earlier today. And I mean forced.
The story is slow, predictable, and just bad. The Scottish accents are a joke; the Scottish clothing is even worse.
The story goes that the Scottish clans are attacking an English castle. The Scots come, and the clan leaders son fatally wounds the ruler of the castle and the clan leader son is killed. Boom, personal, and predictable.
The rulers son, Hubert is sent to find their cousin, a supposed great fighter, Guy. He has to pay his cousin as a merc to come fight. In the end, there is a motley crew of Guy, a friend of Guy, a executioner, and the whore he was about to behead.
Long boring story, long boring story, and you find that Guy lusts after his own cousin, the daughter of the now dead ruler of the castle. Didn’t need that. Was not necessary nor did it help the story at all to have the main good guy in the story be incestual towards his cousin.
More garbage, and you find that Hubert thinks he is in love with the whore they brought, but walks in on her riding Guy’s friend. Wow, couldn’t see that coming?
In one point, the Scots are trying to figure out how to rush the castle, so they literally run up to the walls, and toss burning sticks OVER the walls. Pretty low castle walls eh? And of course, there is hay laying everywhere, even in wicker hand baskets all over the place. Yeah…
Further in the movie, the Scots do capture almost all of the castle, and they bring Hubert and the whore out in the open to hang the whore and ask for the rest to surrender. They hang the whore; but when they show a close up of the face, you can clearly see that the noose is so loose that she could have wiggled and been out of it. If you are going to do a close up, check that your stuff is in order first, other wise, stay back with the camera.
So, we are close to the end, the Scots have Hubert and the only people really left for the “good guy English” are Guy and his two female cousins, one of which he is lusting for. What do you think happens next?
Yes, Guy challenges the leader to a single combat to decide the fate of the castle.
I would have expected more from the movies namesake, as the original Ironclad was a good movie; and the fact that Michelle Fairley, better known as Catelyn Stark, was a star in this movie.
I give this movie, along with all of the reviews I saw for it, 1 star.