How many times a day do you say I love you? Of course not the point that it sounds creepy or possessive but just enough to reassure your spouse that you are plugged in and vested. Everyone knows that with today’s normal bump and grind we can keep us distracted, even from each other. So to assume that you two know how the other is feeling is not safe and don’t count on it. How would you if you’re not communicating? Assuming is a major communication roadblock. So is not listening, everyone has bad or busy days that’s why listening takes work. It helps to concentrate on what the other person is saying instead of your own thoughts and ideas.
May be you and your spouse can either overact or even under-react. Overreacting can sometimes seem to be the go-to communication style. Take an outside look at your relation, is it accurate to say that most of the time that you attempt to communicate is to argue. To talk to each other is simply to disagree and force your point of view. Where did all the healthy love talk go to? We simply forget to do it, that’s where. Maybe it could be that you under-react instead.
Does your spouse talk about making those futile attempts to talk with you only to get a less than focused response from you? Is it because even when you’re home your mind is elsewhere? That is a sign of forgetting, forgetting how important this relationship once was. What happens to that spiritual and emotion up-lifting day you called a wedding day? What happened to those spiritual and emotional reassuring words you called vows?
That’s easy, you forgot! You don’t have to talk to just disagree about things and listening doesn’t mean that you are agreeing. It just simply means “I’m vested in this.” What issues could be resolved if you listened to your spouse with same attentiveness you listened to their vows spoken to you? One question you have to be careful of what the answer might be is, what will it take to regain your attention? For some that just may be a Hallmark card, balloons and wet sloppy kiss, that’s an easy save. Maybe it’s a beautiful dinner somewhere.
In what ways have you two forgotten each other or even just pay a little less attention to one another? In most divorces, one spouse is caught off guard by the delivery of divorce papers. The question is, why do we even allow for it get that far without saying anything? Do you and your partner spend hours together under the same roof, at social events or running routine errands, yet rarely engage in meaningful conversation?
Living in silence is a primary symptom of major marital problems. But…what if, just what if, there is no real trouble? What if your marriage has just taken a position of contentment? Just simply taking each other for granted can be the case. It’s not typically anyone’s fault, it just sort of happens, and it can happen to the healthiest of marriages. Do you feel less like lovers and more like roomies? Not a great sign. Your partner or spouse should be your friend, yes.
But there should be a stronger bond between you, too. If you feel like you and your partner no longer share a life together, it’s time to get back on the same page and reinstate your bond, you do have to make time to advocate for each other. Be your spouse’s biggest cheerleader. But we sometimes do let it get to far and you may need a fire starter in your marriage. This may be as complex as seeking professional help or as simple as a fun couple’s night out. The important thing is that you do something. If you’re not sure, that’s a good to interject some communication. Don’t let your marriage fall victim to erosion.
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