Lots of us make the common mistake of trying desperately to be the perfect girl/guy for the person we are interested in. Hopefully, we get over it quickly (lets face it, pretending that you wake up looking like you have makeup on and NEVER saying anything silly is almost impossible… especially for me). This is something we all have to learn: that it’s not worth it if the person you love doesn’t actually love the real you. That is, the you who snorts when she laughs, sometimes speaks in funny voices out of the blue, has serious problems with gravity and the scars to prove it, and laughs at inappropriate times. Yes, in case you wondered, that is me.
It is absolutely impossible to be perfect. Especially if you are trying to be someone else’s idea of perfection. I know girls who have changed virtually everything, from hair color to body type, not to mention pretending to like everything he likes and dropping all her friends, just to ‘get’ a guy. Men have done similar things, as well. But what are we really getting when we do this, other than a headache from trying not to say anything too intelligent for his Neanderthal liking or laughing at her pitiful jokes?
Once, years ago, I told my boyfriend that I was going to get a haircut. I only wanted a trim, but he yelled at me that I needed to stop cutting my hair and grow it out long, like it used to be. I smiled and said okay, got in my car, and made up my mind. When I sat down in the styling chair, I asked her to cut my hair (which I loved) up to my chin. That was the shortest I could stand it, but I was making a point. When he got in my face like that it was as if a switch had flipped; my real personality had been turned back on very abruptly and I wasn’t about to let it disappear again. We broke up shortly after that. He didn’t like the real me but that was alright with me. He helped me to realize that I did not like HIM. And I appreciated that; it was the one truly nice thing he ever did for me.
I do not have the most well-stocked romantic history, but I have made my share of mistakes. I have been with guys who made me feel stupid (or tried to), a guy who was too stupid to understand 70% of what I said, a couple who were just plain tacky and mean, and several who cheated on me. The thing is, this was partially my fault- because I had atrocious decision-making abilities when it came to ‘love.’ I was trying so hard to be who I thought I should be for these schmucks that it never occurred to me to damn well be my fantabulously-flawed self and find a man who was deserving of it. I know many people who have suffered from this same affliction. Some have been cured, some are still working on it.
Take it from me, go for the man who thinks you’re hilarious when you’re goofy, who laughs because you scream German obscenities when you’re angry, and thinks it’s fascinating that you know 50 million useless facts. THAT is the man who really loves you. Not the one who calls you “crazy,” but the one who says, “You are SO weird. I love you!”