A Polish town bans Winnie the Pooh? Pooh on you. The lovable Winnie the Pooh finds (himself, itself?) banned from a local playground because city leaders have studied the fictional anthropomorphic teddy bear, literally up and down, and determined that (shh), Mr. Pooh does not wear any pants. The bottomless Pooh has thus been declared a sexual miscreant, and quite possibly a hermaphrodite – not a definitive he or a she, but an “it” of an organism that possesses both male and female sexuality. I mean, just look at the way he’s sitting up there, legs all wide open like that. Shameless!
Jezebel on Nov. 20 brought to light something that we were just thinking – there are countless “naked” fictional animals out there. “I want to point out that by wearing a shirt, Winnie the Pooh is already doing more than most animals,” writes Jezebel’s Mark Shrayber. “Outside of a put-upon household pet (I bought my guinea pigs princess costumes) or an abused circus attraction, most animals wander about in the wild in nothing but their fur, their genitals splayed out for the world to see. Bears, especially, are not only known not to wear clothes, but are also rumored to s**t in the woods.”
Hilarious. In fact, the following fictional animals are running around naked and spewing shame all over children’s books, cartoons and moves: Tom and Jerry, Wile E. Coyote, a shocking number of those orgy-loving Care Bears, Garfield, Pluto, Donald Duck (Sure he’s got that sailor top but his white feathered arse is hanging out), Sid the Ice Age ground sloth, and if we’re talking Pooh characters, better get some clothes on Eeyore (what a jackass!), Kanga and Tigger.
Councilors in the central Poland town of Tuszyn, who gathered to discuss, among other things, the mascot of a new playground, went so far as to ban poor Winnie when it was suggested that the playground have the Pooh theme. Never mind that within a week of opening the plastic slides and climbing walls will be littered with Sharpie messages of vulgarity and drawings of wee-wees.
Officials at the meeting reportedly said Pooh is of a “dubious sexuality” and “inappropriately dressed,” even going so far as to determine that the A.A. Milne creation is a “hermaphrodite” because he’s “half-naked.” And those elected officials are half-witted, but they still hold office.
Commented 46-year-old councilor Ryszard Cichy: “The problem with that bear is it doesn’t have a complete wardrobe.” Neither does Jabba the Hutt, but no one tells that worm to put on pants.
Adds Mediaite.com: “One unnamed councillor can be heard discussing Pooh’s sexuality, arguing that ‘it doesn’t wear underpants because it doesn’t have a sex’ before another, Hanna Jachimska, starts criticising Winnie the Pooh author AA Milne. ‘This is very disturbing but can you imagine! The author was over 60 and cut [Pooh’s] testicles off with a razor blade because he had a problem with his identity,’ she said.”
Oh bother! Where to even begin with this. Let’s hear from you. Your thoughts on: Town bans Winnie the Pooh.