Someone actually sent me a message today asking me if I had a moment to give them some advice on something… I said “shoot” … they wanted to know how to separate ego from love in a relationship.
I asked for an example but before I waited to be able to personally key in and respond I decided this was a great topic for an article… and for my personal heart as well to scan over. Like running your finger over a fabric long enough with enough strokes to potentially pick up some of the color even suddenly the azure blue moves through you in waves of Muddy River and heartfelt songs of the South, the suede fabric particles meld and when you’ve scanned it enough times you feel like you form an UNDERSTANDING.
I’m capitalizing that word because it’s a key word here… and yes, the point to my fun but otherwise seemingly pointless fabric analogy… you explore and experience until you form an understanding and THAT is relationship.
Examine the word, which we have before, let’s do it again; relationship – relation – would suggest a sense of relating to someone or something as we know that we can have many types of relationships in our lives with various nouns. Let’s speak about love in particular today, between two people.
In forming that relationship or understanding you relate to the person you know them on some level and in that space of awareness “hurting” them becomes more difficult as you can pretend not to know how their wacky mind works in all of it’s flaws, and fears, and quirks that are inevitably perfect…at least to you, they drive you mad but you still want to be with them because, you love them… at least according to the article I read today on Elite Daily, but I have to say it makes sense.
When you can look upon them then in that space of compassion and open heartedness when you can be vulnerable and you can just LOVE for the sake of loving, not for being “wrong” or for being “right” but because you love and know and care for this person and you don’t have any desire to make them feel less than or hurt… you get to show up with more love in a deeper heart space with less ego.
This doesn’t mean you won’t get pissed off… we’re still on planet earth friends – that we might have bad days now and then and not see eye to eye here and there I think is an understatement as it’s almost a guarantee, while we are on this planet. But you talk through it, you use your words… you step away in the heat of the moment, or you let it out… and then forgive and forget and apologize and OPEN YOUR HEART WIDER.
Yes! That is the key, and YES! I also get that it can and does in moments make you feel completely scared and uncomfortable. Vulnerability is not always comfortable, and you know what… neither is life but it IS worth it… so is love.
So check your ego at the door with your coat, and when it comes out – get the memo listen to the message of your feelings, take notes, and from there move to love… or at least try to.. even if that ends up being on your own. Don’t think of ego as a bad thing, think of it as a teacher.
By Ashley Davene
Purchase Ashley’s Book “Art of Love”