Every day our planet beams out radio waves into outer space. It seems that more and more planets are being discovered in distant solar systems and scientists are trying to inform any space aliens of our location in the cosmos. Huge broadcasting devices are being built, not here in Spokane, but everywhere else the world.
Steven Hawking, the theoretical physicist made famous by the television show THE BIG BANG THEORY, recommended that scientists seeking contact with these alien beings should be very cautious. Hawking pointed out that historically, the first meetings between groups of humans have not always gone well. The “first-contact” meetings between White Europeans and Native Americans were often events that were better left unattended.
I was horrified to discover that electromagnetic waves have been streaming away from Earth for years. Old TV broadcasts, transmissions bounced off satellites and even mobile phone conversations have been leaking into outer space. Scientists assure us that these electronic waves are diluted as they travel further from earth. But, still, a planet with space aliens far advanced of our own earthly geeks, may be able to pick up these leaking signals.
We’ve had our share of instructional Zombie movies. We know how to handle them. But Zombies are slow and stupid while those big brained outer-space creatures are probably intelligent. They are not going to be amused by “I LOVE LUCY” or moved to cry when Rachel and Ross kiss in the finale of “FRIENDS”. And if they listen to the conversations of teenagers on cell phones, they will think we earthlings are mindless creatures, waiting for each other to hang up first. We look like easy pickin’s sitting out in the galaxy.
But the Earth is a big planet. So the chances of belligerent aliens coming to Spokane are miniscule. But you might ask: Then how did all these newly arrived Californians find out about Spokane? It was probably something they saw in an electronic image on T.V or radio signals that inspired them to bee-line to the Lilac City. Who can resist electronically transmitted views of lakes, trees, and mountains with an overlay of the Spokane motto, “Near Nature, Near Perfect”? Add the Trader Joe’s advertisements and televised Gonzaga basketball games. All that stuff probably leaked into outer space. It’s only a matter of time until the extra-terrestrials follow the Californians to town.
All this brings me to my recommendation: Create a new motto to broadcast far and wide, to California and outer space. We need a discouraging word to replace the current motto “Near Nature – Near Perfect.” How about something like “SPOKANE – DOWN WIND FROM THE HANFORD NUCLEAR CLEAN UP SITE”? Run that motto along under photos of Hanford as it crumbles. Beam that into outer space. Include an overlay of Hazardous Materials Triangles and a photo of Spokane on a rainy day.
Even space aliens must fear nuclear radiation? It will probably take something stronger to stop the Californians.