A stepmother was never part of 39-year-old Candice Curry’s plan for her daughter, but when her marriage dissolved and her husband moved on, like magic there she was. Curry didn’t want to like her and didn’t want 29-year-old Ashley Parish to have any part in her daughter’s life, but that changed immediately after the two women met, according to ABC News on Dec. 16.
This is without a doubt the best case scenario between two adults in the situation of the old wife vs. the new wife, which is often a strained relationship. Curry and Parish are women who put their own wants, needs, emotions and jealousies aside for the sake of Curry’s 14-year-old daughter, Stiles, who is now also Parish’s stepdaughter.
Recognizing the new parts in life that each now play has provided a foundation for these two women to become friends and co-parent as mother and stepmother when Stiles is in their care. Curry understands that becoming a stepmother to another woman’s kid is not an easy task. Along with Parish recognizing the agony of a mother sharing her only daughter’s attention with the new wife of her ex has given them some solid ground to go forward.
Both women love Stiles and both want what is best for the teen. Curry wrote an open letter on her blog thanking Parish for being such a loving stepparent to her daughter. Curry cannot say enough about Parish’s willingness to include her daughter into her life and treat her as if she were her own flesh and blood. The letter starts out stating the obvious emotions that an ex-wife should have and usually does have when the new and younger wife of an ex breaks into the scene. Curry’s letter includes:
“I never wanted you here. You simply were never part of the plan. Growing up and dreaming of my family I never included you. I didn’t want help from another woman to raise my child. The plan was for my family to include me, daddy and our children, not you,” Curry writes. “When I first met you I’ll admit you weren’t what I had in mind and a twinge of jealousy shot through my body. You were supposed to be hideous, remember? But you weren’t, you were stunningly beautiful.”
The letter continues with, “You were supposed to be a mean old hag, remember? But you weren’t, you were a young, sweet woman. … You’ve accepted our daughter from the very start and have unconditionally loved both her and her daddy, that’s a true gift to all of us. You’ve included our daughter in everything you do and make her feel loved and accepted. You put her relationship with her daddy above yours and only a brave and courageous woman knows how to do that with such grace.”
Along with all of the above, Curry also thanks Parish for accepting Curry’s position as Stile’s mother. She also thanks her for being so “gracious” and “respectful” to the teen, reports Yahoo News.
This type of relationship between mothers and stepmothers is more like the exception to the rule. The old wife vs. the new wife of an ex usually means two women are pitted against one another to some degree. Some women act cordial and go through the motions, while other women embark on vicious relationships when the old wife is presented with the new wife of an ex.
According to Big Blended Family, there are other mom and stepmom relationships that are functioning in harmony today. They have posted similar letters to their blog that show what these women can gain by getting to know the person inside that new wife label and getting to know the person tagged with the ex-wife term.