What are you listening to this Christmas? Are you listening to [INSERT COUNTRY SINGER’S NAME HERE] Christmas album? “Christmas with Tammy Rae MacAfee” or maybe “Wrapped in a Red Bow For ya’ Baby: Christmas with Clyde ‘Mr. Mississippi’ Jenkins.” OK, those aren’t real. But they are funny. Or maybe you aren’t holiday-themed at all and are listening to Beyonce taking pop music waaaaay too seriously while dancing violently as if being shot by stun guns from the front row of the audience. Or maybe you’re planning to get gangsta and listen to someone breathe helium and claim to spit fire. No, wait – that’s every Lil’ Wayne song, ever.
But what if you are one of those with no idea? What if you want to do something different? By all means, allow me to provide you with some suggestions.
Looks like ole Kris Kringle is fulfilling the age old wish of Santa please bring me a sexy showgirl that will do my every bidding this Christmas.
Les Chaussettes Noires
I’m really not going to spoil this one for you. Go to Google Translate on the internet and put in Les Chaussettes Noires (or copy/paste). I beg of you.
Someone Painted Rudolph’s Nose a Chocolate Brown
I’m not sure where Rudolph’s nose has been, but this doesn’t look good for his image or public persona. I think Connie Canuso could very well have been the culprit.
This holiday season, let’s all remember to pray. Pray as hard as we can for Santa to bring us a doll. How vindictive does this little girl look? She scares me. Santa better respond to her prayers of materialism or she will kill him simply with her eyes.
Momma’s Twistin’ with Santa Claus
It’s the age-old tale. A young child sees his mother making out with Santa himself. But is Santa normally looking right into a camera giving a ‘thumbs up’ signal? Look again.
In case you didn’t know, Ritmo Y Sabor means rhythm and flavor. And Victor Santos is bringing it in full force this holiday season! And coincidentally, he is the most excited person of all time about Christmas being upon us.
The Cousins Celebrate Christmas
Is that a brand new Les Paul? Has Santa lost a lot of weight? Is that a blonde beard? I bet taking this record for a spin may answer all of the questions we’ve been pondering.
So let me get this straight…..Santa is taking this wanton young woman under a bridge in Paris to spread jolly holiday cheer? I suppose that’s better than Detroit.
Um Natal Tranquilo e Prospero
We all hope for a peaceful and prosperous year as the album title says. But is this Santa simply taking a break from spreading tiding of joy or has he just pulled off the heist of the decade?
Horacio Samalot released this record on “Empire Records.” You just can’t make this stuff up. The biggest question is did “Mortal Kombat” and “Street Fighter” video games get their inspiration from “La Trifulca?” I smell conspiracy.