Justin Bieber was roasted on the “The Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber,” and comics and celebrities took turns taking targeted swipes at the pop music maker’s expense. Justin Bieber has made a lot of bad decisions over the last few years and gotten himself into his share of trouble with the law along the way. There was no lack of controversial source material to draw from for the joke makers who each took their turn lampooning Bieber on “The Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber.”
The Comedy Central dais included Hannibal Buress, Chris D’Elia, Snoop Dogg, Natasha Leggero, Ludacris, Shaquille O’Neal, Jeff Ross, Martha Stewart, Pete Davidson and the Roast Master was Kevin Hart. Justin’s manager, Scooter Braun, was seated in the audience and wasn’t spared from being roasted. Kevin Hart called out Braun for discovering Bieber in the middle of the night on the internet and cracked a joke that Chris Hansen had missed a predator. Selena Gomez, although a major part of Justin Bieber’s life in the past, opted out of participating in the event. It’s hard to fault her for that decision.
As you can imagine, much of the content from the show was pretty explicit. The two hour roast was full of bleeps, but they also let a lot of words and phrases fly uncensored. When Ludacris took his turn making fun of Bieber one of his best lines was about their song, “Baby,” which Ludacris said has a billion views because of him and 4 million dislikes because of Justin.
Natasha Leggero was the first roaster of the night to get in some really deep digs at Justin. At one point Leggero joked, “All these rappers on stage and Marth Stewart has done the most jail time.” Leggero told Bieber that it was only yesterday that he was discovered on YouTube but, “Time flies when you’re a piece of sh**.” Leggero took things a step further when she talked about Justin’s fan base, Beliebers, saying they have that name because, “These days it’s considered politically incorrect to use the term ‘retards.'” Leggero was the first to cut deep with a Selena Gomez joke, saying that she was “Literally the least lucky Selena in all of entertainment history.”
Martha Stewart wasn’t shy of reciting some self-deprecating humor and right away she made a prison joke about doing hard time, claiming that watching Kevin Hart tell his jokes was the hardest time she’s ever done. Martha explained she was at the roast because she changes people’s lives for the better. Martha joked about making brownies with Snoop Dogg on her show, “Martha Stewart Living,” and said she still uses the recipe he gave her that day. When it came time to make fun of Bieber, Stewart had some advice for the young singer for when he “Inevitably ends up in prison.” Stewart told Bieber it’s all about building the right shank and stabbing the first big person you see to assert dominance. After that Stewart said, “Prison was easier than making blueberry scones.”
Snoop Dogg took his turn taking swipes at everyone, but saved the hardest hits for Bieber, who he called the “Bitch of the hour.” Snoop Dogg said that Bieber “Released so many horrible and unwatchable videos you should change your name to Vanilla ISIS.” Snoop Dogg went on to say Bieber’s monkey was “More embarrassed than the one that started the AIDS epidemic.” Snoop told Bieber that he’s so pretty that when “Inmates saw your mugshot they swipe right.”
Will Ferrell made a surprise appearance as Ron Burgundy, and told Beiber he had been taking it on the chin all night. Burgundy listed off some of the troubles that Bieber has been in over the last few years and told the crowd that they were a bunch of hypocritical assholes who had all done the same shenanigans. Burgundy called Bieber a full-grown man who sings songs for 9-year-olds and cuts his hair like a gay figure skater. Burgundy suggested to Bieber that he turn up the heat.
Bieber had his turn to lash out at the dais at the end of the show but said first, “Damn, you guys were brutal. Goodness Gracious. This was supposed to be a birthday present.” Bieber thanked Martha Stewart for coming, commenting next, “I know that’s probably something you don’t do much of anymore.” Bieber thanked Leggero for performing, telling her it was his first time seeing her. Bieber remarked to her, “You were really great even though you didn’t shoot out a single ping pong ball like Snoop promised.” Bieber took a moment after the jokes to speak about his troubled past. Bieber said, “I turned a lot of people off over the last few years, but I know I can still turn out good music and turn everything all around. You have my word.”